Jerry White
darjohns@suffolk.lib.ny.us

Bio(auto)

Jerry White, 30, now has his own 'zine of obsession poetry. The first issue contains "Tori Spelling Poems" and original artwork. Mr. White writes literary reviews for Rocket Press and makes his living as a New York Times delivery person. He has a B.S. in Sociology, 1988, from SUNY-Stony Brook.

All poems by Jerry White, written Super Bowl weekend 1995 and dug up after White saw Tori Spelling on "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" on October 16, 1997, and recalled his crush on the TV actress.

Mr. White's zine is $2, available from Rocket Press, PO Box 730, Greenport, NY 11944-0730. Checks must be made out to "Rocket Press." Submit with an SASE.

The following work is Copyright © 1997 and owned by Jerry White and may not be distributed or reprinted in any manner whatsover without written permission from the author.

Tori

I'd read that
new novel with
interest

It was a Tori
Spelling creation
and the characters
were sexy
and lithe

And then I
wrote Tori
a letter and
lathered up
with her
later ...

UltraSlim (TM) for Tori

Janice told Tori
that I
had a big
belly

(but I had
been on diet
pills for 6
mos. straight)

And Tori told
Janice
(and this is
why I love her)
that "he has
a soul as
big as this
alleged
belly"

Though I was
down to
size
29
pants

Clipped for Tori

Tori slipped into
Rite Aid on our
first date

and I imagined
she were buying
condoms

When she returned
with a brown
bag and
a cherry
coke

I sat her
down on
the near-
est park
bench

"We won't be
needing those,"
I said

"I've been
vasectomized
for you"

Fingers, Diving

Halfway thru
the Ted
Danson movie
I put my
hand on
Tori's bare
thigh

She said:
"Stop, you're
giving me
goose-
bumps
your hand
is so
cold"

I moved my
hand up to
her a-
waiting
crotch

"This will
warm it up,"
I snickered

Let Her Tease Me

As the credits
rolled down
the screen
Tori climaxed

She gushed

As my fingers
exited
snapping
her panty
band
shut

- - - -

It was
made obvious
when she
bit her
lip and
said "Jerry,
I don't want
to make
a scene

"But I think
I'll take
that
cab ride
home"

G'nite

I went to
give Tori
a kiss
g'nite
but the
cab's window was
stuck,
Tori motioned

I said: "Gimme
a call
after
8 a.m."

Then she
left --
just like that

And I rushed
to my
car
to beat
myself
silly

No Voice Mail :(

I called Tori
25 times
before lunch
then twenty-
three times
after

I wrote her
name
162 times
on the refriger-
ator -- and

Sent 16
e-mails to
her Internet
address

Tho' she
must've had
laryngitis
I still
kept send-
ing

[My last e-mail
read --

"Let's get a
whole stalk of
Chaquita
bananas
& see which
one fits
you
right"]

Amputee

After I
punched holes
in all the private
parts and
mouths of my
Tori posters
(and had
my way
with them)
I decided
the di-
rect approach
is best

So I paid
her a visit

She was on the
set with
Brandon -- taping
the 421st
episode of
"Beverly Hills
90210"

"Call sec-
urity!" she
screamed as
Brandon ran
behind a
prop

"Tori!"
I yelled,
my bloody
penis in my
hand,
"See what
you made
me do?!"

Catheter Was a Bloody Mess

Tori didn't
visit me in
the hospital
Instead she
had her press
agent/psycho-
analyst come
down and try
to console me

I asked him
bluntly:
"Have you e-
ver severed
your pe-
nis for
love?"

I refused
all meals.

Twins

I read in Teen
Scene maga-
zine that
Tori had a
23 waist

"I can be your
twin," I
e-mailed
her

I can be your
fucking
twin"

Grandaddy Bonegrinder
mbrown@netsync.net

Bio(auto)

Grandaddy Bonegrinder creates with a touch of midnight and a pinch of Halloween, embracing the realms of darkness. He is a "Shadow-Poet" from the Arkwright hills of western NY and is the founder of the web's
premier site for Shadow-Poets, "Coffindust".

The following work is Copyright © 1997 and owned by Grandaddy Bonegrinder and may not be distributed or reprinted in any manner whatsover without written permission from the author.

The Marketplace - 2022

fresh hot bagels, get your bagels here
coffee and a bagel just $20

home grown veggies,
sweet corn, squash ..step right up

human livers, removed as you wait
get your livers here ..

hands and limbs,
best prices on hands and limbs

fresh fruit, fresh fruit,
guaranteed no pesticides

GET YOUR FRESH HEARTS HERE!
extracted still beating as you watch!
transplants just around the corner.

Mindless clone workers .. cheap!
free union card with each

pure water, (well as pure as possible)
just $20 a gallon.. best prices in town

eyes and testicles, eyes and testicles,
get your replacements fresh off the clone

cloneburgers, get your cloneburgers here!
pounders just $16.95

need a laptop, or a lap .. here,s the place
we sell computers, and 99 shades of skin

mommy#6 .. I need to go to the bafroom ..
that,s ok, daughter #18
daddy #11 will take you

step right up ladies and gentlemen
the clone shoot is just about to begin

guns, bombs, automatic weapons
mothers day sale .. 20% off all flame-throwers

need credit - no problem
we swap cash for DNA

there,s nothing like the marketplace
you can get everything and anything you need

hey buddy - where can I buy some medical marijuana?
Shut-up you fool! .. do you want to get us arrested !

Was Jesus Gay?

fishermen with hard long poles
follow me I'll save your souls
and show you where the wild goose goes
cum and sleep with Jesus

cast off your nets, and women too
those harlots don't know how to screw
besides I've got some wine for you
cum and sleep with Jesus

first miracle some wine and bread
cure a leper, raise the dead
save some time to give some head
cum and sleep with jesus

kneel for the master, and open wide
he'll jam his holy tool inside
and fill you up with Christian pride
cum and sleep with Jesus

so the priests adopted Jesus style
back-door buddies all the while
holy rollin, pedophiles
they'd love to sleep with Jesus